I was working in a doctor’s office at the time, which made it possible for me to listen to my baby’s heartbeat regularly. I started telling close friends and family that we were expecting the arrival of our baby on June 3, 2016. Everyone, including myself, was thrilled and especially excited that my daughter would soon have a younger sibling.
On Halloween something unexpected happened. I miscarried my baby. I was devastated and felt intense heartache. My husband was upset too and felt horrible that my heart was breaking. I asked myself, what did I do wrong? Depression started to set in.
Two weeks after the miscarriage, I was giving my daughter a bath – she was splashing around in the tub while playing “tea party.” She looked up at me and said, “mom, my sister likes this.” Tears rolled down my face. I couldn’t explain the wide range of intense emotions I felt.
We decided not to try for another child for a few years because I couldn’t deal with the possibility of another loss. During this difficult time, I realized that taking the time to connect with my husband and daughter was very healing. It was also helpful for me to connect with my dog and horses who still reside on our animal farm. And thank goodness for my doctor who helped me recognize the depression I was experiencing and how treat it. It took time, but slowly I began to feel better.
I became pregnant again in 2018. I was extremely nervous – holding my breath the entire pregnancy – worried that I may lose this baby as well. But on 7/15/2019 we welcomed a beautiful baby boy to our family! As I held him in my arms, I finally relaxed. He was here and safe. He was perfect.